Like every day I will start writing with a song , and enjoy it …
I am back again yet another day with an insecurity. I do not know how will I sound. I am afraid I may be perceived as weak, docile, cry-baby. But ,I will not pretend to be a strong kid , I am really afraid whether I will make it, whether I will fall on that side of the line , the line which will decide my next steps .
Giving some contexts, I am waiting for the final results from the IIMs. I gave CAT this year to pursue my MBA.( https://gangulysayann.wixsite.com/fumblewhilefinding/post/goal-digger-where-magic-happens). And then the journey for the GDPI preparation was also something transformational.(https://gangulysayann.wixsite.com/fumblewhilefinding/post/fomo-my-friend)
Will I make it ? I do not know. Will it make me Happy? I would be absolutely ecstatic. I am a stoic, so negativity comes natural to me and realistic expectation is my poison Are you enjoying your life currently ? Hell yes . Do have challenges in your daily life ? Yes , I do have . Do your life get easier if you do not have a convert ? NO !!! . Are you ready for it ? Bring it on baby !!!
So, after a bit of thinking, for lack of a better word procrastinating , I am going to take you with a journey of what is going on in my head .”Is the wait for Closure worth it!!!” .
Wait is sticky, gloomy, despair, heavy, tough. Hope is bright, scintillating, smiling, energetic.
Yes, I hoped to go for the 2nd attempt for CAT . It was not easy . I was there for my fellas who traveled the road with me. I pushed myself , showing up every day for the run .Was it worth it ? Hell yes .There were days where I felt like giving up . But, chaos defines me . Making a hole through wall defines me . And hope is like light it helped to make “the hole” .
I appeared in the CAT. Was there fear after that? Ask my father .”Tera bhai fighter hai , par outcome ka daar toh use bhi lagta hai yaar . Ek cheez se daar nhi lagta , mehnat krne se. Jitta baar mauka milega saala phaaad dunga . Every time . In my death bed , I want people say “Saala kuch kar nhi paaya par kya kausish kiya re .” ”. I am not standing here by co incidence . I have put in my hours. I am not arrogant. Do not get me wrong. I am humbled by the experience of the journey. I am humbled by seeing people working their heart out with all their resource . “HOPE” defines them .
What next , the line I thought define my next step, DOES NOT EXIST . I decide my next step. I decide What I will do , How will I do . And if I am still TRYING TO figure the method to madness, Hey Sayan your are on the right path.
Help people , Listen to them , Ask them questions , Smile with them , Cheer for their journey . And yes , “WORK YOUR ASS OFF !!! ”.
I would like to say few things to my future version .
Hey gangulysaynn ,
Hope you are doing well . If not , I believe in you and I know you better than yourself . It will pass and you will push through .
Just hang in there mate and “get – a – life ”. Life is bigger than what you think . Life is better that what you desire .
Be ready , ready for the touch down , ready for the final blow , ready for the broken jaw , ready for the stiff back . But be prepared , prepared like , if you ever get to take a bloody jab , It’s knockout . And when the opponents(the lousy version of you) are taking a break on the other corner. Stand there cause in the end , do you know who rise ? “THAT GUY WHO REFUSE TO FALL.”
And Sayan I know you , I know you as a boy “WHO REFUSED TO GIVE UP” .
If I get in? I would be HAPPY and thankful to the Universe for trusting me with bigger responsibilities , eager for the upcoming challenges .
If I do not get in? I will be thankful to the Universe to give a stage to prove my worth and I will survive cause I know , though I am not the fittest now , I can be the one .
And all this happened because of a reason a single reason ….
“I CHOSE TO STAND HERE AND DELIVER , EVERY TIME I GET THE OPPORTUNITY.” . Peace .
-Yeah, you can be the greatest, you can be the best You can be the King Kong banging on your chest-
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